and that's how the fan broke
by tatakailittleackerman
Summary: Armin's first time in drag with all the barbecue sauce and fan disaster . The whole story that Armin told Eren in my other fic, Buckle up Buttercup, but no need to read that first.


The story of Armin's fan incident. Ahead there are dicks, bbq sauce, Nile, and, of course, a broken fan. I sprinkled in some ocs for Armin's drag queen friends and twisted some background snk characters for others. I will return to ereri wedding next chapter!

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_Armin POV_

"Call me your fairy drag mother!" Sorum hugged me tight so tight my life flashed before my eyes. It was full of various cakes and rough gay sex. God, I lived well. So well, in fact, that I'd like to keep living.

"Sorum!" I cried out. "Let me go, please!" I wiggled out of his strong, russet arms.

"Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. Was I squeezing you too tight?" He said, poking at my arms. "Mmmmhmmm, you're just soft enough. You'll look good in a corset."

"Uhhh…" I felt a little awkward as he pushed up my sleeve and felt of my skin. But, I guess that was to be expected. Sorum warned me that it was likely I would feel awkward and weird about everything my first time in drag. He told me I would probably feel a little scared and self-conscious, but not to worry, because he would take care of me.

"Aren't you just as soft as a baby's butt? Oh my, once we get some moisturizer on you, you'll be so soft I'll use you like a pillow." Sorum rubbed his hands up and down my arm.

"Sor! I got that shit for your dance! Don't see why I had to come in a whole three hours before anyone else for it! Still think you shoulda gone with anoth- Who the fuck let a little kid in here?" The man, presumably a drag queen since he was in the back of The Crooked Arrow, said while looking me up and down.

The Crooked Arrow was not my first choice, believe me. It was probably my last choice. It was already low on my list because it was one of the shadier drag clubs in one of the worst parts of town. That wasn't an, um, ideal pairing for my first time doing drag. It was the cheesy name and logo, (a red heart with a, you guessed it, crooked arrow going through it), that knocked it down a spot, and the even cheesier theme nights knocked it down to last place.

However, I had a friend here. Sorum, a drag queen who I had met at the same party where Marlo fisted me for the first time, was my friend and when I told him I wanted to give drag a go, he almost exploded with excitement.

"I'm an adult." I informed the man.

"Uh huh, sure kid. Sor, who let this fucking kid in here? There isn't a queen in this whole god damn building that can babysit his ass. We're all working like hell tonight! Not only is there that fucking party, but it's also Saturday!" He hissed at Sorum.

Saturday was their theme night. "What's it this time?" I asked, already cringing at the answer.

"It's 'Drag on Fire' night." Sorum said, squeezing my shoulders.

"Does it have something to do with dragon fire?"

"Yes! It does!" Sorum smiled wide. "It's dragon and fire themed!"

"Of course it is." I rolled my eyes. So fucking cheesy.

"So, kid, you gonna walk home or is your mommy and daddy coming to pick you up?" The man sat down two big red bottles labeled "REDRUM" on Sorum's vanity counter where he could find room among all the makeup and plopped onto the black couch along the wall behind the vanity tables.

I'm guessing that's what this guy brought for Sorum's dance. Sorum's drag queen name was Rita Rum. When Sorum had told me he had winked and explained "Rita stands for 'Right in the ass', babyface". So, Sorum was dancing with rum tonight. Well, I just had to see this.

"I'm helping you out tonight." I explained.

"He's going to be my baby drag queen tonight!" Sorum cooed to me, hugging me from behind and nuzzling me. I was glad he had yet to put on his face, because I did not want make up smudged in my hair. Not that it would matter, I would be in a wig soon enough.

"This twelve year old is gonna be your _what?_" He shook his head and brought out a pack of cigarettes. "There will be some perverts out there who would just love to spit his bones out when their done with him."

"Good." I shot at him. "I'm into that."

He looked at me shocked and dropped the pack. Sorum laughed behind me, throwing his head back and letting the sound loose.

"Fuckin' hell, little boy." The man ran a hand through his shaggy blonde hair.

"Actually, fucking in hell is a hard limit of mine." I winked at him. "Not that I have a lot of those."

"God, kid. How old are you?" He asked me.

"18. 19 on November 3rd. So, I'm an adult, and that means tonight Sorum is going to be my Fairy Drag Mother."

"Help me with him, Carlo!" Sorum lifted a lock of my hair. "Blonde wig or brown? He would make a sweet little brunette, but the blonde makes him look _so fuckin' cute_."

Carlo squinted hard at me. "You really wanna do this?"

"Yeah." I answered.

"Why?"

"I want to do everything at least once." I smiled at him, "Not to mention, I'm into this."

He sighed. He put his hands on knees and looked at me up and down for a few tense moments.

"Alright, kid. I'll help you-" Carlo started.

"You want to take my Drag Baby away from his mama?" Sorum exclaimed.

"If you take care of him alone, he'll end up in a cotton candy dress looking like a clown did his makeup!"

"If you take care of him, he'll end up looking like Mortica Adams and have no makeup!"

"I'll make him look like a classy queen." Carlo shot back.

"I'll make him look like a fun queen!" Sorum put his hands on his hips.

"How about you both help and I'll be a fun, classy queen?" I suggested.

"Fine, kid." Carlo sat back against the couch.

"Alright. But _I'm _Fairy Drag Mother. Call _him _something else." Sorum said.

"Call me my god damn name." Carlo said, finally lighting his cigarette.

"Come here, Baby, let's pick out your outfit." Sorum cooed to me. "James is just your size. James told me you can use any of his dresses for the night. I went and picked them all up from his house for you, sweets. He's retiring soon, you see, so he doesn't really give a fuck."

"Wow, remind me to thank him." I said as he pulled me over to a table with a bunch of dresses in dress bags and tugged on my jacket. I took it off for him.

"He'll be following you around all night, right Rita?" Carlo called from the couch, stretched out and looking over at us.

"Yeah!" Sorum called.

"So he'll be at the party in the party room? Not the main floor for theme night?" Carlo asked. I looked excitedly at Sorum. I would be in a party!

"Yeah!"

"Then put him Scarlet's teal number! It'll look good with his eyes and shit."

"Ugggggghhhhh! Scarlet's teal number is sooooo conservative, though! How about the tiger print one she wore for-"

"You want him _naked_? Cause that tiger one is basically that." He got off the couch and came over to us. "See kid, this is why I need to be here."

"'Kid isn't my name." I said as the two of them went through the dress bags, taking peeks inside and sorting them into a 'no' and a 'maybe' pile.

"What's the name then?" He said, throwing a bubblegum pink thing that looked like a tutu into the 'no' pile.

"What! That's adorable!" Sorum cried, throwing into the 'maybe' pile.

"Armin." I said to him, stepping forward and placing the awful dress into the 'no' pile again.

"Uh huh. And what will you be a couple hours from now? What's your drag name gonna be? You got Rita Rum right there, I'm Kitty Kat, and we're going through Scarlet Letter's clothes. Pick something."

"You're Kitty Kat?" I asked Carlo, trying not to laugh.

"He wears little kitty ears. It's cute as fuck. All the neko lovers go crazy for it." Sorum told me with a giggle.

"Yeah. I'm Kitty Kat. Wanna fight about it?"

"No! Just can't picture it is all!" I said, waving my hands around.

"He has a little tail and everything! Of course, the tail is connected to a butt plug which stays in his ass until he find someone to take it out and replace it wi-"

"I will smack a queen." Carlo snapped.

"Oh, you want queen smack down? I'll claw your eyes out with these _puuuuuuuurrrrrrr_fect nails, Kitty Kat." Sorum showed Carlo his nails.

"Hey, guys, let's all keep it in our pants. Now, show me the teal dress."

"But it's soooooo boring!" Sorum fluttered his hands around.

"Here." Carlo said, unzipping the dress bag and showing me it. It was a teal corset dress. It had black lace print all over the corset and tiered skirts, which looked dangerously short. There was black piping and a ruffle trim around the heart shaped bust. The bust looked pretty big.

"I love it. Just, um, how do I, uh, fill it up?" I gestured to my chest. "I've tucked and stuff before, but I never even worried about the chest."

"Oh, I've got some titties for you, sweetie!" Sorum said.

"Now that that's done, the shoes." Carlo shot me a look, "You can walk in heels?"

"I'm into this. I've been walking in heels – and doing much more in heels – for some years now. I can easily take 5 inches. That's heel, not dick. I can much more dick than that." I ran a hand down the dress. In a little while, I would be in this.

"I'm sure you can! Hey, Kat, I met this muffin at a party where he was fisted." Solum smacked Carlo's arm lightly. "He's likes it roughhhhh!"

"I'm not even going to acknowledge that." Carlo looked at me with a sigh. "You shave everything?"

"Yeah. Below the head, I'm as hairless as a damn naked mole rat."

"Good." Carlo nodded. "How's your tuck skills?"

"They're eh. I've used gaffs and control tops. I asked Sorum over there for some pointers and he said I should stay away from duct tape for my first time."

"Yeah. They'll be plenty of time for duct tape later. The dress won't even really show your tuck, so if it's meaty," he waved his hands, "who gives a fuck?"

"Good. I've brought my tuck stuff with me, obviously. I also brought some cute black panties that I want to wear over top of everything."

"I want to seeee~!" Sorum sang. I grabbed my bag and opened the front pocket. I handed him my lacy black panties and he held them up.

"Yes, yes…I approve!" He smiled and held them up to Carlo.

"I pegged you as more of a red panty boy, but okay." Carlo said.

"Oh, I am. Fucking Reiner ripped my red panties in half a couple nights ago. Fucker." I took my panties back and put them into the bag again.

"Alright, baby, let's get you all prettied up!" Sorum clapped his hands and lead me to the vanity chair. Carlo followed with a smirk.

"Buckle up, Buttercup." He warned me as Sorum started his attack.

Hours. It took hours. We used up our three hours of alone time and then other queens started filing in, standing around me as I was being put into drag by Sorum and Carlo. After I was mostly done, just lacking the wig, they left me in the hands of another queen so they could get dressed themselves.

"Dee Light." She introduced herself as she started pinning on the long blonde wig.

"I'm, um," I bit my red lip.

"Oh, no, hunny, don't tell you don't have a name yet." She said as I stared at her dress in the mirror. She had on a dress that was a dragon curling around her body. It was beautiful and shimmering in the light of the mirror and I wanted to touch it. She was so pretty and I wondered about myself. Her black hair was straight and cropped into a powerful bob right below her chin. Her golden skin was on display with her makeup full of bold black and red colors.

"I don't." I admitted.

"Well…you're in Scarlet Letter's old teal lace dress, why not Scarlet Lace? Or Lacy Letter?"

"Oh! I like Lacy Letter a lot."

"Alright, then, Lacy, you gonna be in the party room tonight?"

"Yeah! With So- I mean Rita."

"Oh, hunny, Rita can be a hot mess sometimes, but she means well."

"Are you going to be in the party?" I asked her, hoping to have some other people I know there.

"Nope," her pink lips popped the ending, "our fucking boss says all girls who can speak an Asian language have to work the theme tonight. I won't be there with you."

"I'm sorry he's doing that." I said.

"It's not all bad. I can tell all the assholes what I actually think of them tonight."

"What are you bitches over here yapping about? The party is just about to begin!" Rita came bursting in. I gapped at her outfit. It was basically a pink princess dress with most of the length of the skirt missing. It started with a pink satin corset with a white off the shoulder neckline and finished with short satin skirt. Rita's hells were as high as mine with big pink bows on them. The best was the princess tiara, though. It was big and silver and drew attention to her perfectly pinned light brown wig. She threw her long, curly hair over shoulder and giggled at me.

"Don't tell me. I'm damn precious, I know! I'm so glad the guy who booked the party just said for the girls to 'wear their sexiest outfit' instead of picking some boring theme!"

"Rita, I'd like you to meet Lacy Letter." Dee gestured to me, showing off her perfect teeth in a stunning smile.

"_Oh, my god!_" Rita squealed. "You picked it because of Scarlet Letter's dress? I can't wait to tell her she has a little sister!"

"So, you sure you ready for this, Lacy?" Carlo's voice came to me and I spun around quickly.

Carlo's transformation into Kitty was one of the more shocking things I had ever seen. That grumpy, loser looking sad sack who had Cheeto dust wiped on his pants and what looked like dried blood on his shirt, became this _cute _girl. What was normally dirty blond hair was replaced with a long, black wavy wig, and cute little gray fur ears sat on top of her head. Her makeup was a bright red lip, winged liner, and whiskers drawn on her face. She was in a classic lace little-black-dress that had a sweetheart neckline to show off her ample chest and striking collar bones. Her heels were gray like her ears and I couldn't help but look at her smooth, tan legs. Then I noticed something between them.

"God, kid, just ask to see it." Kitty snapped at me.

"See what?" I was honestly confused.

"The tail that's currently in my ass."

"Can I see the tail that's currently in your ass?" I smiled at her. She rolled her eyes and turned around, showing me wear her dress had been up and a gray tail like the ears and heels was pulled through. She wagged her ass at me and it flopped around.

"It's sooooo cute!" Rita clapped her hands.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. It's time to pop Lacy's drag cherry. Come on." Kitty lead Rita and I through the back hallways to the back entrance of the party. Rita held my hand in her perfectly manicured one and I smelled her bubble gum perfume drift around me.

"All you gotta do is smile and be pretty, babe, which I know you can do. You're not here to dance or put on a show for anyone. You don't have to let anyone touch you if you don't want them to, and you can tell us if anyone tries to force you and we can and will take care of it. Stick close to me, have a good time, and try not to get anything on your big sister's dress or my titties, kay?" She leaned in close. "Keep an eye on Kitty, she's magic at this! She turns into the cutest little kitten you've ever seen!"

"I can hear that shit." Kitty held up one gray painted fingernail and flipped us off.

"Can Lacy stay with you when I do my Rita Rum dance?" Rita asked Kitty.

"I guess. If I'm not fucking busy."

"Or busy fucking." I joked.

"Suck my tail." She hissed.

"I'll gladly suck the one in the front." I said.

"Kitty isn't into sex-crazed brats." She insulted me.

"Bad Kitty! Don't make me spray you with water!" Rita laughed.

"Oh, yeah? I'm not afraid of that, since I doubt you can get down from that tower, Rapunzel." Kitty opened the back door and I stepped in.

"You saying I couldn't get a prince to rescue me?" Rita walked past me, already knowing where she was going.

"Yeah, I doubt anyone wants Princess Hunty. I think he'd just cut off your hair and throw it back!"

I stopped listening to them argue as I looked around the room. It was big. A lot bigger than I thought it would be. There was a slight breeze from the large ceiling fan. The walls were all painted red and there was black couches all over the room, some centered around tables and other in front of the stage that was right next to the back entrance. I looked at the steps leading up to it and felt a little small compared to how high that stage was. I shook my head and looked over to the wall opposite of use where the front entrance must be. It looked like a small bar had been set up. It looked very well stocked and I licked my lips.

"Can I have a drink?" I asked Rita.

"Yes!" Rita clapped her hands.

"No!" Kitty said at the same time.

"Well, I vote yes, so that's two out a three, Kitty, sorry." I smiled and started walking over to the bar, where a couple other girls were already gathered.

"Who might you be?" A short girl in a stunning purple dress that complimented her rich brown skin asked me. She had a headband with a gold bow on it in her afro and golden lipstick and heels to match. I looked around at all of the equally gorgeous girls standing around and felt very insecure.

"Arm-I mean Lacy. What's you name?"

"Crystal." She extended her hand to me and I shook it. "Wanna drink? We usually don't, but at parties, we're kind of expected to."

"Yeah. I'll take some-"

"Rum!" Rita said. "Rum for everyone! Just use a whole bottle! We'll charge it to the party, anyway."

"Bitch, you know it! This party is going to be fuuunnnn, too!" Crystal smiled at me. "The guys at this some filthy rich boys here for some bachelor party."

"I'm doing the rum dance for the groom to be!" Rita smiled, handing me some run. Kitty took it out of my hand.

"Lacy is underaged." She said, her tail swaying behind her as she walked away with my rum.

"Bitch, that never stopped you!" Rita called.

"It isn't like The Crooked Arrow is a stand up place to begin with." Crystal handed me another glass of rum. "I'm kind of glad I just work here on the weekends."

"You're just here on weekends?" I asked, not really knowing what else to say.

"Yeah. I really like having fun in drag, but, man, law school is kicking my ass-"

"You're in law school? Holy shit!" I exclaimed.

"You think a drag queen can't go to law school?" She narrowed her eyes at me.

"No! I was just surprised. I'm a bio major myself, I could never handle law!" I tried to make up for offending her.

"Oh." She said, drinking some rum. "It's just that most people assume drag queens all amount to nothing and are trash and all."

"I don't think that at all. I respect you for being in law school, of course, but I also respect you for doing this. It's a lot of work, and it takes a lot of confidence." I looked down. "You're all really, really beautiful."

"You think you aren't just stunning in Scarlet's dress?" She said softly. "Girl, perk up, you are cuter than Scarlet ever was in that dress. Look at those big blue eyes and how good they look with it. Between you and me, Scarlet never could do cold colors. That's why she stuck with, well, scarlet red."

"You're really nice." I whispered to her.

"Gotta make up for all these bitches." She laughed.

"This is my first time in drag." I said, smiling nervously.

"What like at The Crooked Arrow?"

"No. Like ever." I admitted, thankful for the alcohol making its way into my system.

"And Rita's got you in a party? Fucking hell. Look, Lacy, if you get nervous or if someone is groping you too much, find me or Kitty or Rita and we'll take care of it."

"Thanks." I said genuinely.

"Also, see that tall girl over there? The ginger one?" She pointed out a tall, ivory skinned red head in a tight green dress. "That's my best friend, Sterling. There's one other girl here who looks just like Sterling, only in a black dress. That's Silver. Either one of them will take care of you."

"God, thank you. I'm nervous."

"Have some rum and relax. You just sit right there on that couch and some guy from the party will come and talk to you and then maybe he'll go chase another girl and someone else will come talk to you. Just be flirty and have fun."

"Okay." I smiled.

She opened her mouth to say something else, but then the front entrance opened and a group of already drunk men came in. I could hear them shouting even over the music pouring in from the front room.

"Gotta go, my number is up first, Lacy." Crystal waved bye to me and then climbed up on stage. I looked nervously around as Kitty came up behind me and held my hand.

"Just sit over there beside Rita on that couch and be entertaining. Crystal is gonna sing first, then me."

"Hello and welcome to The Crooked Arrow." Crystal purred into the microphone on stage, her voice sultry and very feminine. I wondered what she sounded like out of drag. "I'm going to get this party started."

Kitty pulled me over to Rita as Crystal's song began.

"Watch your drag baby. Make sure she doesn't drink too much or get groped too hard." Kitty told Rita.

"I liked being touched. I'll be fine." I looked at Kitty, but she ignored me.

"Right!" Rita patted the seat next to her on the couch, which conveniently sat three, I noticed. "Want some more rum? Technically, we aren't supposed to drink. No good being all drunk when you're entertaining, but we always break that rule a little, especially for parties."

"Do you drink anything besides rum?" I asked her as I watched some men gather around Kitty and a few petted her tail. She blushed, holding her hands up with her fingers tucked in like paws and swatting the air in front of them playfully.

"Oh, I drink all sorts of things. I like-"

"Hello, there." A tipsy man approached us. Wow, that was fast.

"Oh! Hello, there! Why don't you join us?" Rita moved over a seat and the man collapsed in between us. "What's your name?"

"Nile." He grunted. He looked Rita up and down, then did the same to me. "What's your name?"

"Arm-" I started.

"That's Lacy!" Rita saved me. Man, the name thing was something I would have to get used to. "I'm Rita!"

"Well, you two might be the prettiest little things in this whole building." He said, stretching his arms over both of us. I looked him up and down as he had done me.

He had a black undercut that only covered the sides of his hair, giving him a messy fauxhawk. His skin was fawn colored, and flushed around his face from the drinks he had obviously had earlier and our close proximity. He smelled like smoke and peppermints, which was a smell I associated with much, much older gentlemen like my grandfather, not the young man in front of me. The bolo tie he wore didn't help much in trying not to remind me of a grandpa, but the rest of his outfit was okay. He was wearing a black suit and he had lost the jacket somewhere in the night. Not bad, all in all. I'd bang him.

"Thanks, Nile." Rita giggled.

"Are you the groom?" I asked him, leaning in closer to him so I could talk to him over the sound of Sterling and Silver sings what I believed was a Beyoncé song. God, I could never pull that off.

"God! No! That's Franz. He's marrying Hannah. I have no interest in marriage." He grunted. "Believe me."

"So what are you interested in?" I purred, trying to make my voice feminine like the others could do so well.

"I'm interested in getting drunk and having fun with someone tonight." He squeezed my shoulder.

"Oh, Nile. I'd drink you up like the river Nile. You couldn't handle this." I fluttered my lashes at him.

"Hmmmm..." He looked me up and down, feeling at the soft flesh of my arm and shoulder.

"Why don't you go get some drinks?" Rita looked at Nile, but I could see the nervousness in her.

"Sure. What for you?" He asked me.

"Something cherry." I smiled at him.

"Rum for me, babe." Rita winked at him.

As soon as he walked off, Rita asked me if I was okay.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You okay with him touching you like that?"

"Yeah. I told you before. I like being touched. He's not too bad looking either." I commented.

"There we go. A cherry vodka and some rum." He sat down in between us again, this time putting his hand on my knee and using the other to gesture as he spoke.

"Yeah, that poor shit over there is the groom." He pointed him out and we looked over him. He had both Silver and Sterling and some other girls I didn't know around him. I looked around until I found Kitty, who was absolutely adorable playing around with the men. I could see why she was popular.

"Oi, Nile, you shit head, give me one of your girls." Another man stumbled over.

"I'll-" Rita started.

"I'm Lacy. I'll go with you." I jumped up, ignoring Nile's frown. Rita could entertain him now, I wanted to meet this tall man. I liked them tall.

We went to another couch and flirted for a while. I finished my cherry vodka and felt the buzz sit in. I let him slide his hand up my leg as people danced and flirted all around us. We got very close to finding ourselves finding a quiet corner to fuck against a wall when Rita climbed up on stage. I noticed the two bottles label REDRUM and a chair in the middle of the stage. I untangled myself from the man and stood near the stage off to the stage.

"It's time for Rita Rum to give a rum dance to groom!" She giggled. The groom, Franz, took a deep breath and then sat in the chair. There were cheers and calls of "Hell yeah, Rita!" and "Go, Rita!".

The music that play was soft and sexual. Rita put the microphone back and grabbed a bottle of the rum. She opened it, sashaying over to him. She stroked his face and went down his chest before suddenly grabbing his hair and pulling his head back. She whispered something to him, and he opened his mouth. She tipped the bottle and poured a stream of rum into his mouth, I watched his Adam apple bob up and down and some rum spill down his shirt. She pulled the bottle back and tilted her own head back, expertly pouring some into her mouth. She placed the bottle on the ground and started dancing on him.

It wasn't the first time I had ever seen a lap dance. It was just the first time I had seen one given by someone dressed a princess. Rita let loose, putting her tiara on his head and slinging her hair around. She teased him, moving very close to his body and licking her red lips.

I took my eyes away from the lap dance to look around for Kitty. Kitty was bent over someone lap and he was playing with her tail. She arched her back like a cat and said something to him. He shivered and I could only imagine what she said.

"I missed you." I husky voice said from behind me as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him. I smelled the booze on him and turned my head to see it was Nile.

"You did?" I said, because I didn't really know what to do. I didn't want to fuck Nile as drunk as he was. Unless, of course, I was as drunk as him.

"Yeah." He slurred, moving my hair out of the way and kissing my neck. Well, he tried to, anyway. It was drunk and slobbery. Being the dirty little thing I was, I liked it a lot.

"Get me a whole bottle of cherry vodka and meet me at that door." I pointed to the back entrance. I would drag him into the supply closet.

"Yeah." He stumbled away. I watched him head toward the bar.

"You gonna fuck that man?" Crystal asked, nearly completely sober, and looking a bit worried. "He's not trying to push you into anything you don't want, right? I'll slide my heel up his urethra."

"I want him. You should be more worried about him, honestly, I'm a fucking animal when I fuck. I'm gonna have fun with him. I'm gonna get beyond shit faced first, though." I laughed.

"You go, girl," She laughed, pulling me into a quick hug before letting me go.

"I'm taking him into the broom closet. If I'm not back by 3, go get Kitty or Rita and tell them I'm in trouble."

"That's three hours of fucking." Her eyebrows shot up.

"I know what I'm about, hun." I felt a little bit of pride in Crystal's laugh.

"Ayyyy, yoooooo, we got a present for Franzie," came over the microphone. "It's a diiiiiiiccccckkkkkkk."

We all looked at the drunk man on stage, and I noticed Rita's dance had been quickly cleaned up. A girl I hadn't met yet brought out a big box and set it on stage.

"Come on, up, Franzie, and get this dick." He pointed a lazy finger at Franz, who climbed back up on stage again.

He pulled off the top and the box fell open. It was, indeed, a dick. It was the biggest dildo I had ever seen in my whole life, and I had seen a lot of huge dicks. It had to be at least twenty inches and was so wide I didn't even estimate it. It was also bright fucking red, which I was into.

"Little small for you, right, Franz!" A man from a couch not too far away screamed. We all snickered.

"Fuck you-" Franz started to say before he was cut off by a huge crashing sound and a pained cry. We all looked to the bar where the cry came from. Nile slowly stood up, holding his head. I looked at the section of bar in front of him and saw how everything had been knocked out of the way. Nile had climbed over the fucking bar.

"Way to go, Nile!" one of his friends called out.

The girl working the bar fluttered all over him, violently cursing in a language I didn't recognize. He grabbed a bottle of cherry vodka and flipped her off. Well, at least he's cute.

I headed over to Kitty on my way to the back entrance. I told her my plans while she swatted some grabby hands away from trying to pull out her butt plug.

"I like it _in. _Unless there is a _hard, thick cock _going in instead." She hissed at him.

She turned to me then with an exasperated expressing. "_Lacy_."

"I'm gonna suck him so hard he dies and his fucking ghost -"

"Lacy-"

"comes out his dick and starts trying to take me on a tour of my Christmas past, present, and future."

"Oh, my god." She threw her hands up. "Lacy, no."

"Lacy, yes."

"_Lick the dick! Lick the dick! Lick the dick!_" The crowd suddenly started chanting and I looked up from my conversation to find someone had covered the toy on stage in god damn barbeque sauce and now the crowd was trying to get Franz to lick it. I just turned to Kitty with a shocked look on my face.

"Why?" I asked.

"'Why not?' the motto around here." She sighed. "The stories I could tell you."

"_Lick that meat!" _someone cheered, and then the sauce made sense.

"I'm gonna lick the dick." I told Kitty.

"Hoe, don't do it." She grabbed my wrist and her eyes got wide.

I jerked out of her hold and started to the stage on a mission. I had just enough time to hear her say, "_Oh, my god."_

"It's my destiny!" I called to her. It is my destiny to lick a barbeque covered dick on a stage in front of a bunch of drunk men and drag queen while also in drag myself. It wasn't so before, but as I said the words, it became so. I knew now without a shadow of a doubt that I belonged on that stage cleaning that giant dick with my greedy little tongue.

I dashed up on stage and pushed Franz out of the way. The men cheered loudly, jumping up and down while the girls looked around and asked other who I was. I kneeled down in front of the dick, like I had done so many times before. I spread my legs to slide down further and leaned forward. The smell of the barbeque sauce was potent in the air.

"_Hell yeah, Lacy!"_ A voice that could only be Rita's called.

"Lacy! Lacy! Lacy!" The crowd chanted, men and queen alike.

I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the head. The cold sauce smeared all around on my lips and I shivered. I pulled back and licked my lips, tasting the tangy sauce once before I gave my all to it. I licked it up and down, smearing the sauce all over my fake tits and dress. Sorry, Scarlet, but this is my calling.

I licked it in earnest until the tip and some inches were clean. I aimed the tip into my mouth and took it as deep as I could, the barbeque making a mess of my face and hair. I sucked on the dick while Franz shuffled off stage and sat back down on a couch. I loved the feeling of the wet, sticky mess on me. It reminded me of so many good times.

"Lacy!" Nile screamed and I whipped around to see him swinging the bottle of vodka around, showing me he had it. "Come on."

"Let the girl work!" A man called to him.

"Fuck you, you wanna fight!" Nile raised the bottle into the air and smashed it against the wall.

"Nile, you jack ass! That was perfect good vodka!" the same man called.

"I'll get it!" he slurred, leaning against the wall and licking at the wet spot the vodka had left. I just stared at his drunk ass licking the wall.

"Way to go, Nile!" Franz called from the couch he was sitting at, which was a mistake. The attention drifted back to Franz. The man who was on the stage with me, the one who had announced the gift, pointed at Franz.

"He didn't lick the meat! He's running away from it!"

"Franz! Franz! Franz!" The crowd started, and I gestured to the dick, offering him some. I didn't want to share my barbeque covered monster dick destiny with him, but he was getting married soon, and I wanted to be nice.

"You can run from the cock, but you can't hide from the cock!" The man said and then a horrible screech came out as he dropped the microphone. The man lifted the dick up in his hands by its massive balls and took it away from me. He held it over his head and shook it, the cock wiggling back and forth and slinging sauce on the stage. Then, it happened.

He stepped to the edge of the stage, and the queens, probably having seen this before, ran out of the way. The men didn't see it until it was too late for most of them to get away. The man threw the giant sauce covered dick off the stage with a throw so mighty, he grunted loudly. My mouth dropped open as I watched its short, but majestic flight up, up, up into the air… and right into the ceiling fan. The dick slammed into the fan with all of its heavy, sauce covered glory and the fan made a sick crunching noise before it came down to the ground. The fan blades, and fan parts, and the giant red dick crashed to the ground, nearly missing Franz and the other men in the center couch. They all screamed and dove out of the way.

For a few tense moments, everything was quiet except for the sound of the music from the main room and the background music here. Franz and others panted and looked over their bodies for injuries. The man who had thrown the dildo looked at the mess for a second before he roared with laughter.

"Way to go, Dominic!" Someone screamed.

So there I was, barbeque sauce all over my fake titties, which weren't even mine to begin with. Nile was still licking that damn wall. The dildo that had brought down the fan was still saucy and amongst a rumble of fan. My hair was sticking to my face with that sauce, and I had had so much of it that I felt like I was going to puke. Still, despite all that, I laughed until I cried and my mascara ran down my sauce smeared face. In the end, I had taken Nile into the back and set a record for the most times I had someone jizz in my eye in a single night. It was one of my best nights.

* * *

I'm still going to publish this as a separate work because it will be the only nile x armin and I think thats cool.


End file.
